Mundane [5/10/2024]

[professionaljaywlker]

First posted on tumblr, so i'm adding it here.

It's kind of interesting to start hitting a time in my life where... i've kind of said most things about my identity at least once, somewhere. Not that i don't have things left to write, reword, say in better prose, or again because the first time was a passing thought in a chat with no archive.

But i'm not anymore, in the phase of joining the community, and rediscovering my every angles and needing to word it. It's mundane now, when I feel something bird-like. It's not a "ah, so that's what it was all along!", it's just me. It's a double edge, because I then sometimes forget how complex that web of experience is.

Today was mundane. I was just me, just a bird. Nothing much to say, from my perspective.

Today, I woke up later than usual. The sun was already up. I'm not used to this, as I usually wake and sleep with the sun, but i stayed up later than usual yesterday. Diurnal, like roadrunners.

Then I was quite pleased to see it was actually quite sunny. I wanted to sunbath, so i took out my bearded dragon in the garden, and sunbathed with her. She took on darker spots to soak up the sun, i wore a black shirt to mimic the patches of skin roadrunners show to do the same.

In the afternoon, I helped my family clean up my grandfather's house. I sent a message to another bird, inquiring whether she, an owl, would be interested in one of my late grandmother's owl statue collection.

I remarked how strange it felt for my neck to not be able to look upward how i wanted to. How bizarre the human activity of cleaning up spider webs felt, my arms-wings-talons straining to reach the roof.

Tonight i'm eating sushi. The raw fish always feel particularly birdy to me, I think it's the sensation of it. If I didn't stop my bird side, I'd want to swallow it whole, as birds do.

It's all so mundane. it doesn't even register as a particularly bird like day to me. I didn't do anything that made me shifty, that brought out the roadrunner in a way that supersedes the human. So many things that I just forget to mention, after a while. Obvious to me and only me.

Comments

[elinox]

I get this too: the "new/shininess" of discovering this about yourself has worn off.

Sometimes I wish I could will these feelings to be stronger and more noticeable, just so I could pay more attention to them like I once did. But regardless, they're still there, just more settled and subtle now.

[professionaljaywlker]

Yeah i also miss a bit the early days where everything felt so new and i wanted to catalogue it all, mostly because it felt so much easier to write, when everything feels important to note down. Now? I'm just a bird, a lot of what makes me a bird is also just... daily life, and this feels hard to write down bc it's kind of fading in the background.