Webscape pondering

[professionaljaywlker]

I'm a bird of the internet. I was born during the 2000's, raised with progressively better computer technology, in an ever growing internet landscape, by a father who is a computer nerd. Then, when I grew, I got attached to the furry fandom, renowned for being 80% IT staff (only half joking), and discovered the therian community, that only existed from my french perspective as words on a screen until very recently.

I've experienced forums and their harsh grilling, although I have been able to sidestep a lot of that unpleasantness by virtue of being an animal that people know a bit less than the habitual canine. I've experienced 2016-2020 tumblr and its messy mix of fluffy roleplay, vitriolic hate from random trolls, and strangely creative satire. I even tried amino, when i was young enough to tolerate the repetitiveness of its content and its low age demographic. And yet I think it's now that I kinda give up on the wider community.

This sunday, I went to a convention in my city, centering anime. There, I met another french alterhuman for a quick hi. I learned that another person a friend knows appears to identify as a new age therian (i'll say a tiktok therian, for simplicity. I do not know what definition they use, just the codes they use to flag themselves, so we'll see). I saw kids with masks playing with each other on all four. Animality is becoming a strange little counter culture for teens in a mall goth way. Will therian be the new alternative fashion after egirls ? Somewhat of an amusing, yet perplexing thought. We've gone full circle on teen wolf packs.

Then, yesterday, I went on tumblr. The internet landscape has become somewhat complicated to navigate for me. I do not do well with algorithmic websites and short form content, which explains my white knuckling on the tumblr space in spite of every dubious conversations that happens there. But even for me it's becoming too hard, and I cannot block enough of physical nonhumanity, which appears to have taken over the space. Attempting to discuss the conflict in needs between folk who do not want to tag their content, due to this being taken as reality checking, and psychotic folk, who struggle to avoid content that can harm them, resulted in an overall very unpleasant response from folk I was probably more optimistic about than I should have.

The whole thing was quite a mess for me. I'm in a bit of a poor state currently, and probably should not have made that post. Honestly having made it probably was a sign I was not quite doing great, as it was somewhat out of desperation after encountering yet another psychosis trigger I didn't manage to avoid even with my miles long blocklist. I have not slept much. I am unmedicated due to issues with medication in my country. I have dropped below 45kg for no reason I can remember. And I'm wondering, is it worth it? Is my time online, in that sort of community, worth it. I have always enjoyed discussions, and one reason I have not left the wider community was because it was the only way accessible to me to chat with other nonhumans. But now, I am starting to be able to find some in real life. Yes, maybe not birds. Maybe not people who enjoy writing as much as me. Maybe people who do not care as much. But between getting my sense of reality fucked with, and a mildly shallow conversation over drinks, I think the choice is easy to make.

I'm not entirely sure I even want to call myself alterhuman anymore, simply to avoid the connection to the wider community, and have my own nook. I don't think I can let go of therianthrope just yet as a label, even though i'm unsure of its use for me sometimes when trying to express myself, when the word seems to take on a life of its own to mean a variety of things that I would need to explain anyways. These days i'm starting to find a fondness for the concept of furry lifestyler. My fursona might not be strictly my species on the serious level of therianthropy, but perhaps it is a good thing, perhaps it would be better for me to focus on something I find fun, more than on the hope of my writings being useful to a community that has becomes inhospitable for me.

Comments

[elinox]

You're certainly not alone in feeling alienated from our own community! I sympathize with you in that the therian community now is not the therian community I first joined; and that's not a good thing either. I realize things change, it's natural, but the current trend of the non-human community does not look good to me. I do not have things in common with these new, young therians so I have little to share. And the lack of critical thinking is appalling!

I miss the forums and personal websites of the 90's/early 2000's where discussions on what your animal feels like, how to deal with instincts, phantom limbs, etc. were the norm, not quadrobrics and playing pretend.

[professionaljaywlker]

I appreciate the comment.

I wonder if there will be a point where we'll just move on to another word honestly. It seems hard, as by design, the people most attached to the word are the ones who complain about the definition of the word drifting a lot. But i'm not entirely sure how this whole thing will evolve. I think i'm just probably going to call myself an animal-person, as it's at least very hard to denature due to how simple it is.

[liondrakes]

It’s good that you’re taking some time for yourself. At the same time, I’m sorry that it came to this (in context to the community’s hostility at times). Although I keep my blog semi-active, I understand where you’re coming from; as much as I enjoy seeing more discussions within the community, it’s disheartening that it usually comes with tension. The last time I got involved in a communal discussion, I watched my own words be taken and used for bad faith interpretations of philosophical and non-physical experiences among transspecies folk. Contrary to what folks insisted, I felt like transspecies folk like me were being pushed out for not centering physical transitions. It’s upsetting that nuance isn’t really considered within these contexts. Folks are more eager to react than talk things out, it seems.

Aside from that, I don’t have much in common with the fictionkin community as it stands since it has the same social dilemma going on as young/new therians. I don’t relate to the desire for canonmates (or even sourcemates), nor do I see my fictotypes as separated from myself. I suppose that’s the way things go. I’ve stuck with focusing on my blog ever since. Here’s to sticking to your own devices in times like these.

[professionaljaywlker]

The bad faith reading is definitely the thing I find quite hurtful in this current atmosphere. Perhaps it's just that it was a particularly sensitive subject, perhaps I was less prone to actively participate before and I'd avoided most of it. Maybe I'm just getting tired of it after enduring enough cycles.

I'd discussed it on werelist, but I feel like webrings might be a thing to explore, nowadays. Perhaps it would be better for a lot of us to have our own little islands. Lot less opportunities for discussions, sure, but at least it's centered on actually sharing experiences, easy to self-moderate to avoid content if needed, and not many chances of a post getting grabbed by people who mostly just want to eviscerate it out of a knee jerk reaction.

[luunaathh]

As a nonhuman identifying individual with schizoaffective disorder and clinical lycanthropy, I find myself incredibly disappointed in the physical nonhuman community at times, mainly concerned with many member's inability to respect the mental health of folks with psychosis and constant bad-faithing. Respecting the boundaries and triggers of those with certain mental health conditions often stops when it's personally inconvient for someone or when it forces them to challenge their ableist views. People will assume that expressing valid boundaries means a personal attack on them, which I don't at all understand. I saw all the reactions in the wider physical tags on tumblr and I was just disappointed beyond belief.

It personally helped my being to retreat to smaller, more mature spaces with folks that don't assume the worst or start arguments over every little thing. It can be difficult to find those spaces at times, though just interacting in those spaces has been much better for my mental health than interacting with the wider alterhuman community and its toxic members and badfaithers.

I think it's good that you're taking a break from the alterhuman community for your mental health. I took a long break myself for different reasons. If it helps, I don't mind offering to listen if you need to vent at all, from someone who experiences psychosis triggers.

[professionaljaywlker]

I appreciate the offer. Thankfully I do have other groups I chat with, be it irl or not, for support, so i'm good on that front. I feel like a lot of adult nonhuman arrive at the same conclusions regarding smaller spaces and wider community spaces, huh.

[lb_lee]

...what on earth is an egirl???