Summer update
Jun. 17th, 2024 04:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
professionaljaywlker A pretty general post to kind of update this blog with a variety of things.
I'm doing a bit better mentally i think ? It's hard to tell, I'm still a disordered person with somewhat poor coping mechanisms, so even my "normal" isn't super super great. I tend to need something to take off my mind of things to feel functional, and anything goes if it can get me to not think too much.
On the bird side of thing, it's summer.
Not my most intense nesting season, but i'm feeling it alright. I have a strange set up where I only feel interested in a partnership in summer, and am a lot more apathetic to the idea when it gets cold. It somewhat follows the nesting season of roadrunners, be it by coincidence or not.
So like usual i've been playing with the idea of courting another human being, since talking sapient birds haven't yet been discovered in our solar system.
I consider myself aromantic : i've never really had a crush, never been in love, never been in a relationship. I've had obsessions a bit similar to crushes, but these never really included being interested in actually dating the person, and i've had passing interest at seeing if i'd be compatible with someone, but those never really went anywhere, as we were not. I believe i'd probably fare best in some sort of queerplatonic relationship. i don't know if i am polyamorous, or more precisely, I am monogamous, but I don't know how I feel about having a polyamorous partner or not. It seems only fair, and I don't actually have a huge jealousy issue about it. I'm just kind of insecure about starting a relationship with someone who already has someone, as i'm discovering everything, while they'd have a fully functional partner already there for them.
The bird in me is also pretty selective in term of humans. It's kind of funny, as it's pretty known by now that birds do find humans attractive, with ostriches, parrots, raptors, pigeons and cranes flirting or taking human partners (with the human handler sometimes allowing it for the sake of the animal's wellbeing or with conservation in mind, in the case of raptors and walnut the crane. It's not very recommended in the case of parrots however, since it drives them neurotic to not be able to have the true partnership a parrot is supposed to have.) But it seems for me, humans are kinda strange looking and drab. I'm mostly attracted to people with very flamboyant or atypical presentations : very femme women who dress in maximalist styles and bright makeup, alternative styles such as goth, with painted faces and strong contrasts, dyed hair, or even better, actual bird-inspired presentation. I was very fond of these full face, elaborate make-ups that were more meant as pieces of art than as true makeup, for quite a while. I also joke that i'm just attracted to bright color, which is close enough to true ahah.
So I've been kind of chatting on and off with people. Nothing much yet, but who knows. I'll admit i'm not super optimist. I've been looking on and off since 2020, and it seems I both am an acquired taste, and am so selective that I'm almost utterly aroace in how little people truly interest me.
I've also been working with a team as an internship on a study about pollinators in cities, specifically my city in this case. It involves a lot of catching bees and flies, then identifying and measuring them in a lab. i'd have thought it would have made me shifty, after all, going bug hunting with my naturalist club is probably one of the things that make me most shifty. But the thought process is actually quite different ! There's a lot of human interaction, a lot of things to write down, when out catching stuff it is timed, so human brain definitely takes over. When i'm with my naturalist club, we tend to talk very little to not spook animals, tend to separate depending on what we're looking for, usually stick to a location for more than an hour... it's a lot more likely to trigger bird feelings because i don't need to do human things, i can just focus on chasing moving objects.
And on a final unrelated note, now that I've participated in a howl, I guess I can cross that off my list, but I feel somewhat... Unsatisfied, due to having met no other bird yet. The one bird i knew, an owl, has simply... left the community and is on bad term with the rest of the active french community, and there just is no mainly bird therian or otherkin. One has a banshee type, but he is much more of a hyena or a chupacabra than an ikran, from his vibe. I'm just a bit sad that even amongst my peers, I tend to be lonely.
I'm doing a bit better mentally i think ? It's hard to tell, I'm still a disordered person with somewhat poor coping mechanisms, so even my "normal" isn't super super great. I tend to need something to take off my mind of things to feel functional, and anything goes if it can get me to not think too much.
On the bird side of thing, it's summer.
Not my most intense nesting season, but i'm feeling it alright. I have a strange set up where I only feel interested in a partnership in summer, and am a lot more apathetic to the idea when it gets cold. It somewhat follows the nesting season of roadrunners, be it by coincidence or not.
So like usual i've been playing with the idea of courting another human being, since talking sapient birds haven't yet been discovered in our solar system.
I consider myself aromantic : i've never really had a crush, never been in love, never been in a relationship. I've had obsessions a bit similar to crushes, but these never really included being interested in actually dating the person, and i've had passing interest at seeing if i'd be compatible with someone, but those never really went anywhere, as we were not. I believe i'd probably fare best in some sort of queerplatonic relationship. i don't know if i am polyamorous, or more precisely, I am monogamous, but I don't know how I feel about having a polyamorous partner or not. It seems only fair, and I don't actually have a huge jealousy issue about it. I'm just kind of insecure about starting a relationship with someone who already has someone, as i'm discovering everything, while they'd have a fully functional partner already there for them.
The bird in me is also pretty selective in term of humans. It's kind of funny, as it's pretty known by now that birds do find humans attractive, with ostriches, parrots, raptors, pigeons and cranes flirting or taking human partners (with the human handler sometimes allowing it for the sake of the animal's wellbeing or with conservation in mind, in the case of raptors and walnut the crane. It's not very recommended in the case of parrots however, since it drives them neurotic to not be able to have the true partnership a parrot is supposed to have.) But it seems for me, humans are kinda strange looking and drab. I'm mostly attracted to people with very flamboyant or atypical presentations : very femme women who dress in maximalist styles and bright makeup, alternative styles such as goth, with painted faces and strong contrasts, dyed hair, or even better, actual bird-inspired presentation. I was very fond of these full face, elaborate make-ups that were more meant as pieces of art than as true makeup, for quite a while. I also joke that i'm just attracted to bright color, which is close enough to true ahah.
So I've been kind of chatting on and off with people. Nothing much yet, but who knows. I'll admit i'm not super optimist. I've been looking on and off since 2020, and it seems I both am an acquired taste, and am so selective that I'm almost utterly aroace in how little people truly interest me.
I've also been working with a team as an internship on a study about pollinators in cities, specifically my city in this case. It involves a lot of catching bees and flies, then identifying and measuring them in a lab. i'd have thought it would have made me shifty, after all, going bug hunting with my naturalist club is probably one of the things that make me most shifty. But the thought process is actually quite different ! There's a lot of human interaction, a lot of things to write down, when out catching stuff it is timed, so human brain definitely takes over. When i'm with my naturalist club, we tend to talk very little to not spook animals, tend to separate depending on what we're looking for, usually stick to a location for more than an hour... it's a lot more likely to trigger bird feelings because i don't need to do human things, i can just focus on chasing moving objects.
And on a final unrelated note, now that I've participated in a howl, I guess I can cross that off my list, but I feel somewhat... Unsatisfied, due to having met no other bird yet. The one bird i knew, an owl, has simply... left the community and is on bad term with the rest of the active french community, and there just is no mainly bird therian or otherkin. One has a banshee type, but he is much more of a hyena or a chupacabra than an ikran, from his vibe. I'm just a bit sad that even amongst my peers, I tend to be lonely.
